7 days of mindfulness

I have completed 7 days of mindfulness practice according to my Daily Mindfulness app.

Does anyone else practice mindfulness? What is your experience of it? What are the best bits?

Caffeine Withdrawal Symptoms

Zita West Accredited Acupunture

This week I have been very excited to start seeing a Zita West Accredited Acupunturist called Ian, who is based in Hove. Who knew there was one based in Hove!?

Whilst going through my case history and hearing myself talk about my diet and lifestyle, it sounded like I really shouldn’t have any trouble getting preggo. I don’t smoke or drink, I don’t eat crap food, I don’t drink caffeine as much as I would like to, I don’t do drugs and I take all the right supplements. I’m not stressed and I’m essentially happy.

So in reality, why isn’t it happening?

Maybe I should start blaming my hubby ?

Is there really anything more I can do? Or anything more I can restrict?

Whilst all around me my friends and colleagues announce their first babies, and then their second babies.

Infertility is like a silent scream, all day, everyday.

I Love This

Blustery, sunny, Sunday mornings. In the park, with Nancy and her amazing home made meringues!!!

http://www.whatnancydid.blogspot.co.uk

Cobwebs blown away and feeling inspired!

ICSI Babies

Hello!

This is a guest post written by my lovely friend Karen, who I met when I was in my early 20’s whilst at work. I thought she was “well cool” because she can speak, like, 10 languages and she’s a lawyer!!! She wrote this lovely story of hope all about her ICSI miracle babies.

This Easter weekend has been a bit of a special one for us. Easter Sunday was my gorgeous boy’s 6th birthday. He was born after our first round of ICSI back in 2007. And then Easter Monday was the two-year anniversary of our frozen embryos (from that same ICSI cycle) being transferred! And then today, the 22nd, my beautiful daughter is 15 months old!

When I hear other people’s stories, I know how very very lucky we were to have success first time after both ICSI and a frozen embryo cycle. In no small part it was definitely down to the very wonderful people at the Esperance Hospital’s Assisted Conception Unit. For us they couldn’t have been better and I would rate their embryologists as second to none.

But I think just being relaxed and positive was a huge contributor too. How I achieved that is anybody’s guess because I am one of the biggest stress monkeys you could ever wish to meet! But I always approached the process as just that – a process. It was something I didn’t have any specific control over until those little babies implanted themselves in my expectant womb. Everything else was down to other people, medicine, fate… And so I couldn’t control/change/blame myself for doing anything wrong if it didn’t happen. And I never entered the process thinking that it may not happen, either. Again, so strange for me because I always worry about what could have/would have/should have been.

If I could only tell all of you going through IVF how to achieve that calm, positive approach, I would bottle it and give it to you all for free. But it definitely seemed to work for us. I did dabble with a little acupuncture (more on that separately). In fact less than a year before we went for IVF I was a physical and emotional mess. The lovely people at Dragon acupuncture clinic in Brighton put me back together and maybe the soothing calming effect of acupuncture stood me in good stead.

Not even Hospitilisation for OHSS when I got pregnant with my son could break my positive spirit.

So keep the faith ladies! I’m no spring chicken at 42 now and definitely won’t be going through any more fertility treatment. But whatever your age or your history, I wish you all the very very best in your quest for a family.

I am Fat

I am fat

I am fat.

I’m not entirely sure how I now manage to weigh 2 stone more then my pre-ttc weight. The last stone has crept on after I had my son, in fact that last stone crept on in the last 3/4 months.

My arms look like the Michelin Man, and I look like I’ve swallowed a duvet.

I am not a pretty sight. Luckily I’m not at the stage where I have to buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my ever increasing thighs, but I’m ever so close.

To top it all off, I do not feel very good, neither health-wise, nor mood-wise. After  my failed IVF I decided that enough is enough. So I contacted Kelly from Fit not Thin @FitNotThin.

Initially, I was convinced my expanding stomach was due to damaged muscles due to carrying a baby, but given that I gave birth to him nearly 2 years ago, cant really hide behind that tired old excuse, can I!? And Kelly confirmed that there is not much wrong with my actual stomach muscles. Although, she could be wrong, she had to press down through an awful lot of fat to reach them, that’s for sure!

So here’s what’s happening, I am no longer eating cake. I am not eating carbs. I am eating salad. Lots of salad.

I see Kelly 2/3 per month. The sessions are excellent and all about weights and using the vibrating machines at the Re-vitalise Studio in Hove. I’m really loving it.

Sadly, I have also discovered a correlation between my coffee consumption and weight gain, i.e. the more coffee I drink, the more weight I gain.

Goddammit, no coffee, no fags and no cake.

 

 

 

 

Smoking Preggos

Last night I went to the pub. The whole place was heaving with families and pregnant women.

I felt completely surrounded by those lucky, happy preggos.

Some of them were smoking. SMOKING!!!!

I was so upset, I actually cried. Granted I’d had a couple of sherry’s by that point, but seriously, HOW CAN THEY DO THAT TO THEIR BABIES???? How?

So I cried out of anger and frustration and jealousy.

One of the preggos asked me if her smoking had upset me? And I said no. How could I get into an argument about this in public? How can I explain to her that I will never, ever be as blessed and as lucky as she is right now, without sounding like I’m completely barmy?

I tried to explain how I felt to my friend, who just kept saying how lucky I am to have had my son, and yes, I know I am lucky, and more thankful then you could ever imagine, but I’m sad for me and I’m sad for a future that will never exist. But most of all I am sad for my little boy, because I feel like I’ve failed him.

Anyway, this walking away from TTC is much harder then I thought.