BFN ritual

This is so well written and so insightful. The desperate pain is awful

NewtoIVF

I wake up at about 5am with an awful sicky knot in the pit of my stomach. I try to keep calm, do some deep breathing and let DH sleep as long as possible – I know it’s going to be a long day and want him to be in oblivion for as long as possible. By about 6am I can’t wait anymore and wake him up and then we cling to each other for a while and tell each other we’re scared – he tells me he’ll always love me no matter what. By about 6.30am I work up the courage to pee into my specially appointed test day plastic cup, which was all washed out and left to dry the night before.

I dip two different brands of pregnancy test into the pot – making sure I face them away from me having learnt after test day number…

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Caffeine Withdrawal Symptoms

I love this!! Tea wand

Whilst in Paris, I stopped in at Galleries Lafeyette. THE most amazingly beautiful department store I’ve ever seen!!

Whilst there I picked up a loose leaf “tea wand”. It’s beautiful!

Simply fill with your loose leaf tea of choice and pop in cup of hot water. Twirl it around a bit = lovely cuppa herbal !

Here’s me drinking my Ayurevedic “harmony” tea!

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Zita West Accredited Acupunture

This week I have been very excited to start seeing a Zita West Accredited Acupunturist called Ian, who is based in Hove. Who knew there was one based in Hove!?

Whilst going through my case history and hearing myself talk about my diet and lifestyle, it sounded like I really shouldn’t have any trouble getting preggo. I don’t smoke or drink, I don’t eat crap food, I don’t drink caffeine as much as I would like to, I don’t do drugs and I take all the right supplements. I’m not stressed and I’m essentially happy.

So in reality, why isn’t it happening?

Maybe I should start blaming my hubby ?

Is there really anything more I can do? Or anything more I can restrict?

Whilst all around me my friends and colleagues announce their first babies, and then their second babies.

Infertility is like a silent scream, all day, everyday.

I Love This

Blustery, sunny, Sunday mornings. In the park, with Nancy and her amazing home made meringues!!!

http://www.whatnancydid.blogspot.co.uk

Cobwebs blown away and feeling inspired!

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Free From Products

This is great! Really interesting x

Methotrexate Injection

The second part of my ectopic story is that I needed to have a Methotrexate injection about 10 days after my laparoscopy.

The reason for that was because my hcg levels began to rise again.

That’s really hard. This hurt a lot and brought up some emotions. Obviously, all sad. Obviously, all desperate.

Methotrexate is a drug they give to chemo patients to stop cells multiplying, but it has applications for ectopics too. Some info here

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Chemotherapy/Individualdrugs/Methotrexate.aspx

They administer it via intramuscular injection into the top of your bum. The nurses that gave me my injection both wore black aprons when they gave it to me, as it’s some seriously harsh stuff!! This totally freaked me out.

All I wanted to do was draw a line under this whole sorry situation and things just kept getting worse!

After I had the injection I had a considerably amount of bleeding in my mouth and nasal passage, as it affects that tissue, but the worst was the crushing tiredness for weeks after.

I was also told to not ttc for 3 months due to the increased chance of birth defects.

Could this whole situation be any shitter?