Last night I went to the pub. The whole place was heaving with families and pregnant women.
I felt completely surrounded by those lucky, happy preggos.
Some of them were smoking. SMOKING!!!!
I was so upset, I actually cried. Granted I’d had a couple of sherry’s by that point, but seriously, HOW CAN THEY DO THAT TO THEIR BABIES???? How?
So I cried out of anger and frustration and jealousy.
One of the preggos asked me if her smoking had upset me? And I said no. How could I get into an argument about this in public? How can I explain to her that I will never, ever be as blessed and as lucky as she is right now, without sounding like I’m completely barmy?
I tried to explain how I felt to my friend, who just kept saying how lucky I am to have had my son, and yes, I know I am lucky, and more thankful then you could ever imagine, but I’m sad for me and I’m sad for a future that will never exist. But most of all I am sad for my little boy, because I feel like I’ve failed him.
Anyway, this walking away from TTC is much harder then I thought.
Posted in ARGC, baby, conceive, egg, family, fertility, fsh, herbs, ICSI, infertility, ivf, Mr Taranissi, natural, pregnancy, pregnant, smoking, supplements, tea, ttc, Uncategorized, zita west
Tagged 2WW, ARGC, baby, conceive, egg, embryo, family, fertile, fertility, FET, icsi, infertile, infertility, IVF, pregnant, smoking, ttc
One of my lovely twitter pals, @SarahJLawson82, has recently posted on her blog about the highs of 2013 and her wishes for 2014. I thought it was a fantastic idea and compiled my own list. It really did make me think. I wish my highs of 2013 had been better and more of them.
Its been a fairly crappy year all in all. Especially as my IVF had failed and I made the horrible decision to stop TTC. I find that the best way to cope with this is to not think about it. So that’s what I do, I don’t think about having a baby and don’t think about never having a baby. If I did, it would be too painful.
Anyway, here it is:
Awesome things from 2013
- I continue to be incredibly thankful and in awe of my gorgeous and growing son
- I now do a job I don’t hate with every fibre of my body
- I celebrated 5 years of marriage
- I have managed to downsize/de-clutter my entire house
- I made the difficult decision to quit TTC
Get a life in 2014
- Go on holiday (I’ve not been for nearly 6 years)
- Write more
- Have a loft extension built
- Renovate our garden and erect a Summer House
- Lose 2 stone (I weight 2 stone more then my pre ttc weight)
- Do more things I enjoy eg reflexology, having my nails done etc
- Go to the theatre more, especially the ballet which I love
- Decorate Samuel’s room and theme it – pirates
- Learn to cook
Sarah’s blog is www.one-daybaby.blogspot.co.uk Go check out her lists.
And make your own! Let me know how you get on!
Posted in baby, egg, fertility, fsh, herbs, ICSI, infertility, ivf, Mr Taranissi, natural, pregnancy, pregnant, supplements, tea, Uncategorized, zita west
A few weeks ago I attended an event for mums called “Big Sunday” www.bigsunday.co.uk
Its brilliant and gave me the opportunity to do loads of lovely things like, Yoga and pilates but I also had reflexology by the wonderful @Lunatreatments.
It was only for 20 minutes but I remembered why I loved reflexology in the first place and wondered why I had stopped going? I used to go every couple of weeks when I first started trying for a baby 6 long years ago.
So I booked another appointment and went to see Selina at Gingko in Kemp Town last week for the full hour!
Even though I am no longer trying for a baby, there are benefits in having reflexology for fertility purposes:
Ok, ok! Not the most scientific of articles, but you get the picture!
Have a look at this article for more info:
Anyway, I loved it! Such a nice treatment, really relaxing and I had some much needed alone time! Its great to just lie back and relax. Something I never, ever do.
Selina picked up my lazy left ovary – amazing!
If you want a bit of “quiet from the crazy”, I would recommend this. Its good to be kind to yourself. Something us IF ladies never do.
I also booked a session for my husband. I really hope he loves it too!
If you are in Brighton, check out http://lunatreatments.co.uk/
Posted in ARGC, baby, egg, fertility, fsh, herbs, ICSI, infertility, ivf, Mr Taranissi, natural, pregnancy, pregnant, supplements, tea, Uncategorized, zita west
Tagged 2WW, baby, conceive, conception, difficulties in conceiving, egg, embryo, family, fertility, FET, holistic, icsi, infertile, infertility, IVF, pregnant, reflexology, Treatment, ttc